Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Still dying that you shit outside
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
