so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
