Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
