If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
