i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
