I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
organizing the empties. That sober.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
