Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A+ Viking dick
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