If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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