I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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