just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She just used a chaser for red wine.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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