so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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