My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
