Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
