If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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