Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
