Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
