I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
