Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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