Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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