she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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