We won't sleep together?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
