Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
