I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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