Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
