is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
