Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
