i think my mom watched the whole time
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
