Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
