he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
