They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
