ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
