Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
