It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Someone came in the potted fern
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
soo... how was my night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
