how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
