I wanna bring you to show and tell
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
