When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have feelings that need drinking.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
