It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
