Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
