there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
