Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
