just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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