so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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