so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
