marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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