You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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