He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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