I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
