I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
