chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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