Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
