Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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